Obsessed with Cleanliness Chapter 17: Sketch

The appearance that Jing Xing booked for Xiao Tong was labeled a variety show, but it was actually pretty easygoing. She was invited as a guest judge on a fashion design program. Other than her, the guests were all relatively unknown young celebrities, ones who had stirred up a little buzz but weren’t really famous yet. Xiao Tong even recognized one of them: the young girl who had been in Yu Qinghan’s bed the day she returned from Paris.

The girl still had that fresh, innocent look. She wore a white dress, her long hair flowing, and she was full of energy. She greeted everyone she saw with a bright smile and small talk. It was clear the staff on set really liked her.

It wasn’t until later, during rehearsal, when the host introduced her, that Xiao Tong learned the girl’s name was Zhang Xiaoxiao. She was a college freshman who had suddenly skyrocketed to fame as the female lead in a recently viral TV drama. Her fanbase and online buzz had both exploded, she had a promising future ahead.

Xiao Tong was having her makeup done when Zhang Xiaoxiao, already finished with hers, came over to chat. She stood behind Xiao Tong and looked at her through the makeup mirror, smiling brightly.

"Miss Xiao Tong, I’ve heard about you for so long, but today’s the first time I’ve seen you in person. I never imagined your designs were so beautiful, and you’re just as beautiful yourself. You really have both talent and looks."

It was clearly flattery. But Zhang Xiaoxiao’s gentle and sweet appearance, along with her beaming smile, made the compliment seem somewhat sincere. Xiao Tong looked at her a few times in the mirror and thought to herself: no wonder people say actors have a thousand faces. This Zhang Xiaoxiao looked nothing like the shy girl she first met. She couldn’t tell which version was real, and which one was just an act.

Their first encounter had been unpleasant. Xiao Tong already felt uneasy around her and didn’t want to talk, so she simply gave a polite, distant smile and said nothing.

Zhang Xiaoxiao didn’t seem bothered by the cold shoulder. She just pulled over a chair and sat down on her own. Looking at Xiao Tong again, she said, "Miss Xiao Tong, I keep feeling like you look really familiar. Have we met somewhere before?"

"Probably ran into each other at some event," Xiao Tong replied flatly. "I’m half in the entertainment industry too, so it’s not surprising if my face looks familiar."

Zhang Xiaoxiao had just burst into the industry and was now rushing from one show to another. Most people she met either flattered her or treated her with basic politeness. She’d heard the rumors that Xiao Tong had strong backing at ZhongShe, and she’d hoped to build a connection. ZhongShe wasn’t an entertainment company, but it had good relationships with many top stars and famous directors. If she could get in with Xiao Tong, she’d have no shortage of fashion resources in the future.

But Xiao Tong’s dismissiveness took her by surprise. She was still young and hadn’t yet been treated like this in the industry. Rolling her eyes, she stood up and left, slamming the door to the makeup room so hard it startled the makeup artist. Her hand shook, and the eyeliner nearly poked Xiao Tong in the eye.

"I’m so sorry! Miss Xiao, are you alright?" the makeup artist apologized frantically.

The host also looked embarrassed. "Miss Xiao Tong, please don’t mind her, she’s just young."

"I’m fine. Let’s keep going," Xiao Tong smiled to reassure the makeup artist. Then she said to the host, "You should go back to work too. Don’t worry about me."

After that little episode, Zhang Xiaoxiao kept her distance during filming. But during a break, one of the young male guests in his twenties looked at Xiao Tong, then at Zhang Xiaoxiao, and suddenly blurted out like he’d discovered a new species: "Hey, did anyone notice this? Xiaoxiao’s eyes look just like Miss Xiao Tong’s!"

"Really? Let me see!"

"Me too, me too!"

"No kidding, they do look pretty similar."

"Yeah, but Xiaoxiao’s missing that little mole in the corner of her eye, and hers aren’t as stunning as Miss Xiao’s. Honestly, I think Miss Xiao’s eyes are prettier. Haha…"

Xiao Tong wasn’t used to being treated like a zoo animal, and she definitely wasn’t used to strangers getting so close. Luckily, the host was experienced, he noticed her discomfort and quickly steered the group of young celebs away. Only then did Xiao Tong relax a little.

Once they were well out of earshot nearly across to the other side of backstage, Zhang Xiaoxiao deliberately raised her voice and said, "Who looks like her? Don’t drag me into that mess." She even glanced back at Xiao Tong as if to challenge her.

Xiao Tong just smiled and said nothing.

She was almost thirty. No point getting into a spat with a barely-adult girl.

But that guy’s words kept echoing in her head. Even during filming, she found herself distracted, checking her reflection multiple times. In her mind, she kept asking herself, Do we really look alike?

Where? They didn’t look alike at all.

Even after the recording ended and she got into the car with Jing Xing for the ride back, she was still using the front-facing camera on her phone, staring at her own eyes and trying to figure it out. Jing Xing glanced over at her screen and teased, "Wow, Xiao Tong, you’re taking selfies now? Nice, nice, finally acting your age!"

"A-Xing, what do you think of that Zhang Xiaoxiao today?" Xiao Tong asked, looking up.

"Zhang Xiaoxiao? She’s pretty cute. You gotta admit, youth is unbeatable. Just look at all that collagen. Tsk, tsk."

"Not that. I mean, her eyes."

"Her eyes? I didn't really notice. Why?"

"Do you think her eyes… look like mine?"

Hearing that, Jing Xing finally took a serious look at Xiao Tong’s eyes. She even pulled up a few photos of Zhang Xiaoxiao online and compared them. Then she laughed, "You know what? They kind of do look alike. Xiao Tong, how did you notice?"

"I overheard some of the younger ones talking during the shoot," Xiao Tong replied.

With that confirmation, Xiao Tong couldn’t even tell what she was feeling. She wanted to laugh, but also felt like crying. Her eyes resembled a girl who had once slept with Yu Qinghan. What was that supposed to mean? Did it mean Yu Qinghan hadn’t gotten over her and was still chasing after an eighteen-year-old version of Xiao Tong?

What nonsense. Even Xiao Tong herself didn’t buy that. Yu Qinghan wouldn’t even spare her, Xiao Tong, a living, breathing person, a second glance, let alone someone who barely resembled her. But Xiao Tong couldn’t figure out what Yu Qinghan was really thinking.

She despised her, looked down on her, and in the end slept with someone who looked a bit like her, what was that supposed to mean? Coincidence? Or did Yu Qinghan simply like that type of face?

Xiao Tong’s head was spinning trying to figure it out. Finally, she gave up thinking altogether. Her face was blank as she rested her chin on her hand, watching the nightscape blur past outside the window. Streetlight shadows flickered across her face.

Jing Xing glanced at her profile. After a long pause, she hesitated and asked, "Last night… you… are you okay?"

"Me? What could possibly be wrong with me?" Xiao Tong smiled as if nothing had happened. "I took a shower, went to bed, and slept straight through the night."

Jing Xing said, "But this morning, I saw Yu Qinghan."

"Yeah, she came to give me a birthday gift." Xiao Tong shrugged and smiled again. "She baked a birthday cake herself. It was really sweet."

"Xiao Tong, you don’t even like sweet things." And who gives someone tiramisu as a birthday cake?

"But I like Yu Qinghan," Xiao Tong said, leaning her head against the car window, staring at Jing Xing with a dazed look. "Jing Xing, do you think there’s a kind of medicine in this world, where if I take just one pill, I’ll stop loving Yu Qinghan?"

If such a pill existed, Xiao Tong thought, she would buy one even if it cost everything she owned.

Jing Xing didn’t know how to answer. So she stayed silent.

After a while, Xiao Tong let out a bitter laugh. "Forget it."

If she didn’t love Yu Qinghan anymore, then all she’d be left with was endless darkness and pain. Xiao Tong wasn’t strong enough to survive that.

Yu Qinghan was the poison slowly draining the life from her, but she was also the only antidote keeping Xiao Tong from collapsing completely. Xiao Tong had no other choice.

When she got home, Yu Qinghan wasn’t there. Xiao Tong washed up and went to her tiny bedroom, which had only a single metal door, and went to bed. She was alone, too tired to cook, so she skipped dinner altogether. It was still early. Life had been so hectic lately that this rare free night actually made her feel restless.

She reached under her bed and pulled out a sketchbook to draw.

There were many sketchbooks under her bed, some empty, some full and they were all filled with drawings of one person: Yu Qinghan.

Xiao Tong had never originally planned to become a fashion designer. She wasn’t good in school and, after a certain incident, couldn’t stay at her old school. Yu Qinghan suggested she study art and apply to an arts college. That’s how she ended up on this path. And somehow, she actually made a name for herself.

Over the years, hundreds of sketchbooks piled up under her bed. Some contained designs that had already been released, others never saw the light of day for various reasons.

Given her current status, those design drafts were worth enough to buy a hundred houses like the one she lived in. Yet they stayed hidden in the darkness beneath her bed, never shared with anyone.

All different styles, but every model was Yu Qinghan.

In her home, Xiao Tong had a walk-in closet. It stored all the finished versions of her released designs, many of them award-winning. Yu Qinghan had seen them briefly before, but assumed they were simply keepsakes Xiao Tong had collected out of pride.

What she didn’t know was that each one of those outfits had been sewn by Xiao Tong herself. Every stitch, every seam, from pattern-making to final touches. She sat in front of her sewing machine for hours, assembling them piece by piece.

From the old-fashioned foot-powered sewing machine to the electric one she used now, each outfit had been tailored perfectly to Yu Qinghan’s body at the time, whether she was a little heavier or thinner. Even the recent showstopper in Paris would’ve fit her exactly.

If Yu Qinghan ever bothered to try any of them on, she would realize the size was flawless. But she never did. She simply didn’t care.

No matter how many accolades Xiao Tong won, no matter how high she rose, in front of Yu Qinghan, she would always just be the timid, uncertain Xiao Tong, always afraid to lose her. And Yu Qinghan knew that. That’s why she treated her so carelessly.

Those designs, some simple and free, others luxurious and elegant, Xiao Tong always hoped that one day, Yu Qinghan would wear them.

She never did.

And now, she probably never would.

As Xiao Tong sketched Yu Qinghan’s figure onto the paper, her lips curled into a quiet smile.

This dress… it would look amazing on Yu Qinghan.