Obsessed with Cleanliness Chapter 18: The Future

After her birthday, Xiao Tong didn’t see Yu Qinghan again for a long time. Late autumn turned into the dead of winter. The plane trees outside the studio turned yellow, shed their leaves, and finally stood bare.

Yu Qinghan never came to see her again, not even once. She didn’t call either. There had never been much overlap between their lives. If Yu Qinghan didn’t seek her out, Xiao Tong might never see her again for the rest of her life.

That tiny piece of cake Yu Qinghan gave her that morning felt like a final parting gift. From that day on, Yu Qinghan vanished from Xiao Tong’s life.

The first week, Xiao Tong could still bear it. She worked as usual, went home, and holed herself up in her little bedroom, drawing and writing quietly.

By the second week, she couldn’t take it anymore. Every night, she’d rush home like she was escaping, lock herself in her room, and even blocked the door tightly with her bed and sketchbooks. The living room and balcony felt too open without Yu Qinghan there, she always feared someone might break in from the living room or climb through the balcony. Nowhere felt safe.

By the third week, Xiao Tong didn’t even dare go home. She had Jing Xing book her a packed schedule, any random show, she’d take it. She rushed from one place to the next, sometimes flying to three cities in a single day, just to avoid having even one free moment. Because the moment she slowed down, Yu Qinghan would sneak back into her thoughts, and she couldn’t drive her out.

So Xiao Tong had to keep her brain running at full speed, giving Yu Qinghan no room to slip in.

By the fourth week, Xiao Tong was going mad with longing. She was so afraid she couldn’t even sleep. She became jumpy, anxious, the tiniest thing could send her into a panic.

Even during events, a stranger’s casual pat on the shoulder could make her flinch and tremble. Jing Xing was the first to notice something was wrong. At first, she thought Xiao Tong was simply burned out from working nearly 24/7 without rest.

So she pushed back some of her jobs and told Xiao Tong to take time off to rest and clear her mind. But Xiao Tong refused.

"Let me work, Ah Xing, please," Xiao Tong begged. "If I rest, I’ll think about her nonstop… or I’ll start imagining scary things. Either way, it’ll drive me over the edge. A-Xing, please… Just this once—save my life, okay? Let me keep working. I don’t want a break..."

Jing Xing could clearly see something was seriously wrong.

"Xiao Tong, what’s going on? Please tell me. Let me help you."

"You can’t help… No one can help… No one can…" Xiao Tong clutched her head, gritted her teeth, and screamed through clenched jaw, "They’re… they’re back… Save me… save me…"

"No one can save me… Qinghan… Where are you… Qinghan… Why haven’t you come…"

"Qinghan… You don’t want me anymore…"

"Qinghan… I’m not dirty…"

Xiao Tong didn’t even seem to feel pain as she yanked at her own hair, crying, "Qinghan, I’m not dirty. I’m not! I love being clean more than anything…"

Jing Xing had no idea what had happened between her and Yu Qinghan, only that Xiao Tong was sobbing her heart out, muttering nonsense, tearing herself down over and over.

It left Jing Xing deeply shaken. Why had someone so talented been reduced to this by Yu Qinghan?

If Yu Qinghan were standing in front of her right now, she might have killed her on the spot. But Yu Qinghan was nowhere to be found. And Jing Xing couldn’t do a thing.

"Xiao Tong, please snap out of it! It’s just you and me here. There’s no one else. You’re safe," Jing Xing tried to hug her, to offer some comfort.

But Xiao Tong flinched violently, suddenly slamming her forehead into Jing Xing’s shoulder.

Jing Xing grunted and stumbled backward, falling to the floor. She looked up and saw Xiao Tong curled in a corner, holding a small fruit knife she’d pulled from who-knows-where, pointed straight at her.

"Don’t come any closer! Take another step and I’ll kill you!"

Xiao Tong’s eyes were bloodshot, her voice on the edge of hysteria. She looked ready to die with Jing Xing if she had to.

"I won’t move! Xiao Tong, please don’t do anything rash! Don’t hurt yourself!"

Jing Xing froze in fear, then slowly backed away several steps to show she meant no harm. Her face remained calm, but her heart was racing like crazy.

She knew the only one who could calm Xiao Tong now was Yu Qinghan. But where could she find her?

Jing Xing was in a panic. In the dead of winter, her forehead was covered in sweat.

Then, suddenly, she had an idea. She pulled out her phone, opened Weibo’s trending list, and gently coaxed, "Xiao Tong, Qinghan didn’t abandon you. She just had something to take care of. Look, she’s even in the news. She’ll be back soon."

"You’re lying." Xiao Tong clutched the knife tighter and backed even farther into the corner.

"I’m not lying. If you don’t believe me, take my phone, look at the news yourself." Jing Xing slid the phone across the floor to her feet.

Xiao Tong hesitated, then picked it up. Sure enough, on the screen was a news headline:

"Second Miss of the Yu Family Returns from Overseas Vacation with Mo Family Heiress—Signs of a New Partnership?"

The photo showed Yu Qinghan walking arm-in-arm with an unfamiliar woman. The woman wore large sunglasses, revealing only a delicate chin, which Xiao Tong automatically ignored.

Her eyes were locked only on Yu Qinghan. Maybe the reporter’s angle wasn’t great, but Yu Qinghan looked thinner, slightly tanned, her stunning features now tinged with a bit of wildness.

But Xiao Tong didn’t think about any of that. All she knew was, this was Qinghan. Yu Qinghan hadn’t disappeared. She was still alive and well, right in front of her.

Finally, Xiao Tong’s heart settled. She clung to Jing Xing’s phone and wouldn’t let go.

"Thank goodness, Qinghan… You’re here. You didn’t leave…"

"You didn’t leave… You didn’t leave…"

Xiao Tong started smiling through her tears. Jing Xing, watching, gritted her teeth.

Yu Qinghan, just a pretty face. Was she really worth this?

Yu Qinghan hadn’t checked in on Xiao Tong for over a month, not for any special reason, just because Mo Xiyuan had dragged her off on a vacation overseas.

That day, Mo Xiyuan and Yu Qinghan were sitting in the Yu family courtyard having afternoon tea. Mo Xiyuan’s silver spoon tapped idly at the cocoa powder on her cake as she sipped red tea, commenting that the tea didn’t compare to what she had in England.

"Of course. You, Miss Mo, drink royal tea in the UK. This place is practically a backwater. You’ll just have to deal with it," Yu Qinghan snorted.

Mo Xiyuan caught her tone and chuckled as she set down her teacup.

"Oh? Still mad, Second Miss Yu? It’s been ten years."

"Of course I’m mad! You left the country without a word. Didn’t even say goodbye. Wouldn’t let me visit, either. Now you act like I’m overreacting? Why, Mo Xiyuan? Can’t you at least give me a reason?"

Mo Xiyuan stirred her tea, silent. She waited until the tea went cold before finally setting the spoon down and saying softly, "Xiaohan, all these years… Your brother… Has he treated you well?"

"My brother?" Yu Qinghan blinked. "He’s okay, I guess. Why are you asking about him?"

"Oh, nothing. We used to play together as kids. I haven’t seen him in so long, he’s nearly forty now. Why hasn’t he gotten married?"

"He’s too busy. Always running around, no time for a relationship." Yu Qinghan shrugged. "Don’t change the subject. I’m telling you, Mo Xiyuan, you’re not getting off the hook that easily."

Mo Xiyuan looked at how serious she was, and couldn’t help laughing. After she had her fill, she said, "Xiaohan, do you want to visit England? I have an estate there. It’s been well maintained these years, surrounded by wide fields, gorgeous scenery. I always thought… your brother would bring you to visit someday."

Mo Xiyuan’s estate, her home of ten years…

Yu Qinghan agreed almost without hesitation. But in the end, Yu Qingming still declined, saying he was too busy with work and couldn’t go.

So it was just Yu Qinghan and Mo Xiyuan who went together. Every day, Mo Xiyuan took Yu Qinghan out to eat and explore. After they’d seen everything in the small town, they headed into the city.

Eventually, they had almost toured the whole of England. Mo Xiyuan brought Yu Qinghan to every place she had once been. Yu Qinghan felt as if she had stepped into those ten years Mo Xiyuan had lost.

By the end of the trip, before she realized it, a whole month had passed, and all of her anger had completely faded.

But spending every day and night with Mo Xiyuan, looking into her eyes,

Yu Qinghan still couldn’t help thinking about Xiao Tong from time to time. She wondered how Xiao Tong was doing. Xiao Tong hated the cold the most.

Every winter, she’d wrap herself up like a ball and still kept nagging Yu Qinghan to wear more clothes.

When Yu Qinghan came back to her senses and looked at Mo Xiyuan’s face again, she would feel guilty for having zoned out.

On their last night before returning to China, Yu Qinghan squeezed into Mo Xiyuan’s bed and they stayed up all night talking.

They reminisced about a lot of things from their childhood like the time when Yu Qinghan was mischievous and broke a valuable antique vase at home.

Mo Xiyuan helped her hide the pieces, but they still got caught by Yu Qingming.

Yu Qinghan thought she was dead meat, but to her surprise, Yu Qingming took the blame for her and was punished by being made to kneel all night in the ancestral hall.

Or the time when Yu Qinghan broke her leg as a child and couldn’t go out to play.

Mo Xiyuan and Yu Qingming kept her company every day, playing "Eagle Catches the Chicks." Yu Qingming played the eagle, Mo Xiyuan was the mother hen, and Yu Qinghan, limping, hopped along trying to hide behind Mo Xiyuan.

As they talked, Yu Qinghan suddenly realized, she had liked Mo Xiyuan for a very long time.

So long that she didn’t even know when it started. She only remembered that when she started going through puberty, she felt ashamed and dirty.

It was Mo Xiyuan who enlightened her, who taught her to accept her body. Even the first person she ever fantasized about, was Mo Xiyuan. Because of Mo Xiyuan, she realized she liked women. But later, Mo Xiyuan left.

Looking at Mo Xiyuan lying next to her, Yu Qinghan silently vowed: this time, no matter what, she couldn’t let Mo Xiyuan go.

She liked Mo Xiyuan in her heart, and because of her, she was determined to cut off all her other relationships. Naturally, that included Xiao Tong.

Everyone else would be easy to handle. Only Xiao Tong, thinking of her made Yu Qinghan’s heart ache a little.

Back then, she was the one who first got involved with Xiao Tong. And she owed Xiao Tong. Xiao Tong had been with her for over ten years. If she really had to break up with Xiao Tong, Yu Qinghan found it hard to believe. It felt surreal.

But compared to Xiao Tong, clearly Mo Xiyuan was the one she couldn’t let down.

Xiao Tong always said she couldn’t live without her but in this world, who can’t live without whom? Give it time, and anyone can move on.

Once she figured that out, Yu Qinghan began happily imagining a future with Mo Xiyuan. Since Mo Xiyuan was used to living in England, why not just move there too? She could live with Mo Xiyuan, build a glass greenhouse, plant some flowers, and pick a fresh bouquet every morning to place by Mo Xiyuan’s bedside. Just imagining it felt beautiful.

As for Xiao Tong? There was no place for her in Yu Qinghan’s future. And Xiao Tong’s future?

Yu Qinghan had never thought about it.

She didn’t dare imagine Xiao Tong’s future with someone else after leaving her. But since she had already decided not to choose Xiao Tong, she might as well not think about it at all.