Obsessed with Cleanliness Chapter 20: Lies

Xiao Tong woke up in Yu Qinghan’s arms, and even she found it unbelievable.

The last time she saw Yu Qinghan was in late autumn, when the leaves were falling. Now, when she opened her eyes again, it was already deep winter. Snow had begun to fall gently outside, it was the first snowfall of the season.

Snowflakes landed on the windowsill, quickly piling into a sparkling, clear layer of white. Xiao Tong turned her face slightly to glance at Yu Qinghan.

It felt like she had just awoken from a long dream, stretching from late autumn into the harsh cold of winter. And when she woke up, Yu Qinghan was right beside her, as if nothing had changed and she'd stay by her side for a long, long time.

But Xiao Tong knew, everything had changed. Ever since she tasted that cloyingly sweet piece of cake, everything had started to fall apart, and she couldn't fix it.

She couldn’t turn things back. So all she could do was wait—— wait for Yu Qinghan to speak, to officially end everything between them.

Yu Qinghan lay flat on the bed, holding Xiao Tong, her eyes staring at the ceiling, lost in thought.

When Xiao Tong woke, she only opened her eyes a little and didn’t move, so Yu Qinghan didn’t realize she was awake. Xiao Tong tilted her head slightly toward her, gazing at the curve of Yu Qinghan’s jaw.

From this angle, she could see Yu Qinghan’s smooth and defined jawline, and her thin lips. Those lips were gently pressed together, beautifully shaped, and a little dry, as if quietly tempting someone to come kiss them. Xiao Tong wanted to kiss them.

But she didn’t dare.

She still had a bit of self-awareness. She knew how little she meant in Yu Qinghan’s heart. If she really kissed her, it might be the end of them for good. Xiao Tong couldn’t take that risk.

But even so, she couldn’t resist the temptation. She raised her finger and lightly touched those thin lips. Then she smiled, just as soft as she remembered.

Yu Qinghan was pulled back from her daze by Xiao Tong’s touch. She turned her head and saw Xiao Tong curled up beside her, smiling.

Yu Qinghan hadn’t looked at Xiao Tong closely in a long time. In her memory, the last time she saw Xiao Tong smile like that was when she was sixteen.

That year, it was also the season of the first snow, the day they had their first kiss. The morning sun had spilled over them, and Xiao Tong’s cheeks were flushed. The tiny mole near her eye glistened, her lips shone with a reddish sheen, and she smiled with a mix of youth and shyness.

Yu Qinghan was surprised at herself, how could she still remember that smile so clearly, even after twelve years?

Yu Qinghan turned to look at her. For years, she couldn’t figure out how Xiao Tong had changed so much becoming someone so unbearable. But now, with just that one smile, she suddenly realized: over these twelve years, maybe Xiao Tong had never changed at all.

"I thought you’d never come back," Xiao Tong said. Her small act had been caught red-handed, and she stuck her tongue out a little sheepishly. She tried to pull her finger back, but Yu Qinghan caught it and held it against her chest.

If Xiao Tong paid attention, she could feel Yu Qinghan’s strong, steady heartbeat. She didn’t know why Yu Qinghan was acting like this today, so she lowered her head slightly. Her heartbeat gradually synced with Yu Qinghan’s, growing faster and faster.

When Xiao Tong’s heart was racing almost out of control, Yu Qinghan finally spoke.

"Xiao Tong, today I suddenly remembered a lot about us."

Xiao Tong froze.

Yu Qinghan hadn’t mentioned their past in years. Why today?

"I just suddenly realized… I’ve been such a jerk. I’ve never treated you right."

Xiao Tong’s nose stung. She was afraid that if she spoke, the tears would come pouring out. So she just gripped Yu Qinghan’s hand tightly and shook her head.

"Xiao Tong," Yu Qinghan continued, "ever since you got better, it feels like we’ve never really gone out to have fun together. Let me take you somewhere, okay? Where do you want to go? You hate the cold, how about we go to a southern island?"

Xiao Tong couldn’t hold back her tears anymore. They rolled down her cheeks. She pulled the blanket over her head and didn’t reply.

Yu Qinghan wasn’t in a rush. She just held her quietly.

After a long while, Xiao Tong poked her head out from under the blanket, her eyes red, and mumbled, "The south is too far. I don’t want to go."

"Then where do you want to go?"

"I want to go see a movie… and I want to go to an amusement park."

Yu Qinghan agreed without hesitation. "Okay, then we’ll go to the amusement park."

But although she agreed, she didn’t actually follow through until more than a week later. It kept snowing on and off all week. Xiao Tong was afraid of the cold, and Jing Xing had even gotten her a half-month leave from work. With time to spare, she didn’t go anywhere, just stayed curled up at home.

Yu Qinghan vanished for a while, but then started spending more time with Xiao Tong again. During the day she might be busy outside, but every night she came home. They cranked up the heat and curled up together in the living room watching old movies.

Yu Qinghan wasn’t really a fan of old films, the picture quality was poor, and the colors were dull. But since she’d promised Xiao Tong, she forced herself to sit through a few.

Surprisingly, she began to see their charm. But Xiao Tong’s favorite movies, no matter how joyful or lively they started, always ended in tragedy. The main characters either died or were separated forever. For all sorts of reasons, they could never be together. It left people sighing every time.

"Let’s change it," Yu Qinghan said. "Why is it always these tearjerkers?"

Xiao Tong leaned against Yu Qinghan’s shoulder and watched, then smiled faintly.

"People are always parting ways in this world. It’s just a movie, why take it so seriously?"

Since she put it that way, Yu Qinghan couldn’t say much more.

After watching old movies for an entire week, the weather finally cleared. Xiao Tong had been cooped up all week, so when Yu Qinghan took her to the amusement park, she was wrapped up like a ball and excited like a child.

She waved at the people in mascot costumes to take photos with them, and when she saw a clown performing tricks, she squeezed into the crowd to join the fun.

The clown twisted a balloon into a little dog and gave it to her.

Xiao Tong quietly said thank you, cradling the balloon dog in her gloved hands, holding it carefully as if it were some kind of precious treasure.

Later, a kid started crying and begging for the balloon dog in her hands.

Xiao Tong thought about it for a moment, then gave it to him.

"Didn’t you like it? Why give it away?" Yu Qinghan asked.

Xiao Tong smiled and said, "It’s too sad when a child can’t get the toy they love."

She said it lightly now, as if it didn’t matter, but without having truly experienced the pain of desperately wanting something and not getting it, how would she understand what that feels like?

Yu Qinghan originally wanted to get her another balloon, but before she could say anything, Xiao Tong suddenly wanted to ride the roller coaster and the 360-degree spinning disk.

She pulled Yu Qinghan along and ran to the roller coaster.

They were lucky and got seats in the first row. The roller coaster slowly climbed to the highest point of the track, paused for two seconds, then suddenly plunged straight down.

Everyone screamed in terror. Xiao Tong screamed too, her eyes wide open, fully embracing the sensation of falling. It was a thrill that felt like dancing on the edge of death.

When they got off, Yu Qinghan felt dizzy and nauseous, about to throw up.

Meanwhile, Xiao Tong’s face was flushed with excitement, already eager to go a second round.

"No... Xiao Tong... give me a second... I’m gonna throw up..."

Yu Qinghan’s legs gave out and she collapsed onto a park bench.

Xiao Tong laughed at her.

"Qinghan, how come you’re more scared than me?"

Yu Qinghan thought to herself, That’s not bravery, that’s reckless.

As for the 360-degree spinning disk, Yu Qinghan refused to go no matter what.

Xiao Tong thought for a bit, then compromised, they decided to go bungee jumping.

The sensory and psychological thrill of bungee jumping far exceeded that of the roller coaster. They did the tandem jump, with both their legs tied together, holding each other as they leapt off.

Their lives were suspended by just a thin elastic cord. Wind howled past their ears, and during the freefall, Xiao Tong shouted:

"Qinghan—!"

"Ah?" Yu Qinghan responded instinctively.

"Let’s die for love—!"

Right after yelling, Xiao Tong burst out laughing.

Maybe her laughter was contagious, because Yu Qinghan, without thinking, shouted back: "Sure!"

But just after yelling, midair, she turned to look at Xiao Tong, only to see her staring back coldly, with no warmth in her eyes.

Yu Qinghan’s excitement immediately vanished.

They spent the whole day playing at the amusement park, trying almost every ride.

In winter, it gets dark early. Before six, night had fully fallen. The Ferris wheel lit up with colorful lights and began turning slowly in the dark.

Couples were holding hands as they boarded. Xiao Tong pulled Yu Qinghan up to ride it too.

On TV, the male and female leads always confessed on Ferris wheels, with the city skyline glittering all around them, it seemed so romantic.

But when she experienced it for real, it was nothing like that.

After one ride, Xiao Tong came down feeling bored and mumbled, "Bungee jumping was way more fun."

The soft glow of the amusement park lights fell on her face, and Yu Qinghan actually found her… a little cute.

By the time it was 8 p.m., Xiao Tong finally agreed to leave with Yu Qinghan, still reluctant to go.

They ate a little something outside, and Yu Qinghan drove her home. But when they got to the bottom of her building, Yu Qinghan didn’t go upstairs.

Xiao Tong tilted her head and looked at her, wrapped in a thick scarf that covered her neck completely.

Yu Qinghan lowered her head and said nothing. So Xiao Tong just waited quietly.

It was a winter night, not many people around. Even though it was just past eight, the whole neighborhood was already quiet. Only snow occasionally slipped off the tree branches, landing on the ground with a soft rustle.

Yu Qinghan stood there for a long time, until she finally spoke with great difficulty: "Xiao Tong."

"Mhm," Xiao Tong answered softly.

Yu Qinghan exhaled a long breath, the white mist trailing from her lips, and said: "Let’s end things here."

Silence fell instantly. Even the sound of snow pressing down on the branches disappeared.

All Xiao Tong could hear was someone stabbing into her heart. She felt herself bleeding inside.

Her body swayed before she steadied herself, clenching her fists, staring at Yu Qinghan, and gritting her teeth: "What did you just say?"

"Let’s break up."

Xiao Tong’s body leaned to one side, she nearly collapsed into the snow.

Yu Qinghan reached out instinctively to catch her, but her hand stopped in mid-air.

After a moment of hesitation, she put it down. She just watched as Xiao Tong stumbled and regained her balance in the snow.

"Yu Qinghan, you once said you'd treat me well for the rest of your life."

Xiao Tong stared at her, lips curling into a bitter smile, her eyes sharp enough to pierce through her.

Yu Qinghan didn’t dare meet her gaze. She turned her head away. Her long lashes fluttered slightly before she finally said: "I lied."

You really did lie, Xiao Tong thought.

In the five years after that promise, you didn’t treat me well, not even for one day.