Obsessed with Cleanliness Chapter 21: Spitting Image

"I lied."

Yu Qinghan turned her face away and refused to look at Xiao Tong as she said those four words dully. The words, wrapped in the cold wind of winter, blew straight into Xiao Tong’s ears.

Xiao Tong looked at Yu Qinghan. The woman stood in front of her, hands in her pockets, those four words spoken calmly and quietly. Her fluttering eyelashes were as pretty as ever. Xiao Tong almost wanted to laugh.

This woman, how could she be so shameless?

She had used that one lie to deceive Xiao Tong for twelve years. And now, with a simple "I lied," it was as if everything had been one-sided, as if none of it had ever had anything to do with her. Xiao Tong really wanted to ask Yu Qinghan. Did she even have a heart?

Xiao Tong took a few steps forward toward Yu Qinghan. It was only a short distance, but every step felt painfully hard. Each crunching step in the snow was like stepping on blades, stabbing deep.

But she didn’t stop, she had to walk up to her, look Yu Qinghan in the eyes, and see for herself whether this woman truly had no conscience.

Finally, she stood in front of Yu Qinghan. Xiao Tong straightened her back, standing tall and firm. She was wearing high-heeled boots, and standing like this, she was nearly eye-level with Yu Qinghan.

She stared directly into her eyes. And suddenly, Yu Qinghan felt as if she couldn’t hide anything from her anymore.

"But I believed you." Xiao Tong’s nose was red from the cold.

Her breath came out in little white clouds, fogging up the space between them. Yu Qinghan’s view was obscured by the mist, she couldn’t even clearly see Xiao Tong’s face.

"Yu Qinghan, the lie you told me… tricked me for twelve years. I believed it. So now what?"

Under Xiao Tong’s gaze, Yu Qinghan lowered her head again. For the first time, she truly realized what a piece of garbage she was. Shame overwhelmed her, and she kept her head bowed in silence for a long time, before finally forcing out a weak "I’m sorry" between clenched teeth.

But those three words felt far too light, in front of Xiao Tong, they were barely worth saying. Xiao Tong seemed to sense how ashamed she was. She gave a soft, mocking snort through her nose, it wasn’t even a laugh.

Hearing that sarcastic sound, Yu Qinghan felt both exposed and angry.

"Xiao Tong, you really think you did nothing wrong? Don’t push it!"

"Huh? Hahaha…"

When Xiao Tong heard that, it was as if someone had just told her the funniest joke in the world. She bent over, clutching her stomach and laughing hysterically, her shoulders shaking uncontrollably. Then slowly, when the laughter died down, she stayed bent over, frozen like a statue in the snow, motionless for a long time.

"It was my fault."

Xiao Tong finally collapsed to a crouch in the snow. She had laughed so hard she inhaled cold air, and her throat now burned with a dry chill, her voice came out hoarse and icy.

"It was my fault. I was the one who didn’t know my place. I tainted Miss Yu’s perfect, pristine self."

"Miss Yu has always been obsessed with cleanliness. From the moment you decided I was filthy, I should’ve had the sense to get lost. It was my fault for not knowing my place, for shamelessly clinging to you all these years, dirtying your eyes for no reason."

Xiao Tong wasn’t someone who was good with words. And in front of Yu Qinghan, she’d always been timid and careful, when Yu Qinghan treated her kindly, she’d be happy for half a day; when Yu Qinghan ignored her, she’d quietly wallow in sorrow alone. But now, for the first time, she spoke sharp, piercing words that cut deep, so deep they made Yu Qinghan’s heart ache.

"Xiao Tong, I was the one who wronged you. Don’t be like this…"

"You didn’t wrong me. I degraded myself."

For the sake of one person, she had lowered herself into the dust, so far down that even she looked down on herself. How could she expect anyone else to love her?

"Xiao Tong…"

"Yu Qinghan, if I told you that I’d die without you, would you believe me?" Xiao Tong suddenly looked up, her face filled with innocence as she stared at Yu Qinghan. "Would you believe me?"

Her eyes were pure and sincere, the same eyes Yu Qinghan had always loved. And for a moment, Yu Qinghan couldn’t bear it. She wanted to nod, to say, I believe you.

But just then, another pair of eyes appeared in her mind, eyes that looked almost identical.

Almost exactly the same in appearance, but with a completely different light in them: sunshine, warmth, like a gentle spring breeze. And Yu Qinghan’s words got stuck in her throat. She couldn’t say them anymore.

"Xiao Tong, I’ve taken care of you for ten years. Even if I owed you something before, I’ve already repaid it. You can’t use the past to tie me down for the rest of my life. It’s not fair to me."

Yu Qinghan hardened her heart. She threw out those cold words and turned to leave, not even glancing back at Xiao Tong once.

Yu Qinghan told herself, she couldn’t spend her life with Xiao Tong just out of guilt.

She loved Mo Xiyuan—— the warm, considerate Mo Xiyuan who had watched her grow up. Now that Mo Xiyuan had finally come back, there was no way she could let her go.

But Yu Qinghan couldn’t stop thinking about Xiao Tong. She kept recalling their first meeting. Xiao Tong, timid and shy. Then the version of her who slowly opened up, so simple, always smiling. Then later, the one who was broken and hopeless. And now... Xiao Tong, crouched in the snow, alone in the dark.

Yu Qinghan’s heart ached again and again.

It’s just a habit, that’s all, Yu Qinghan told herself. I’ll get over it.

Xiyuan is still waiting for me.

Xiao Tong stayed crouched where she was, watching as Yu Qinghan’s figure walked farther and farther away. She wanted to stop her, to keep her from leaving but she couldn’t.

Yu Qinghan said it wasn’t fair to her.

But Xiao Tong thought, She’s the one who came into my life first. Who’s going to be fair to me?

Yu Qinghan once said she’d give her a home. At the time, Xiao Tong’s mind was a mess, Yu Qinghan thought she wouldn’t remember.

But Xiao Tong remembered everything.

And now, Yu Qinghan admitted it herself—— she lied. She said it herself, she lied.

Yu Qinghan didn’t want her anymore. Xiao Tong no longer had a home.

In this world, the only thing she had was Yu Qinghan. And now, even Yu Qinghan didn’t want her.

She had no home anymore.

"Mommy, hurry up! Let’s go home!" A little girl, three or four years old, ran past Xiao Tong, her laughter crisp like the sound of bells.

"Slow down, sweetheart! Be careful not to fall———"

A young woman ran after the girl, picked her up and kissed her on the cheek. The two of them laughed together, mother and daughter.

"Canghan, do you think you’re the same age as the baby? Why are you running around like her!"

Another woman ran up behind them. She was scolding playfully, but there was a smile on her face as she pulled the mother and daughter into her arms. The three of them looked so happy together.

"Ah Ling, don’t be so strict! Look how happy she is, hahaha…"

"Mommy, Auntie, let’s go home!"

"Let’s go! Time to go home!…"

Xiao Tong felt tears rising. She couldn’t stay there in public any longer, she turned and fled.

She used to have a home too.

But not anymore.

……

Winter is always cold. Without Yu Qinghan, even with the heat turned up to the max inside the house, Xiao Tong still couldn’t stop shivering. She pulled out every quilt and blanket in the house to pile over herself, but it was no use.

It was as if she had fallen into an icy pit, so cold her teeth were chattering. She wrapped herself even tighter in the covers and shut her eyes.

Just sleep.

Once I fall asleep, I won’t feel cold anymore.

This winter, no one would be beside her to keep her warm.

Xiao Tong closed her eyes, and slowly, she finally stopped trembling.

When Jing Xing broke down the door, this was what she saw: Xiao Tong wrapped in layer after layer of thick blankets, her face flushed red like a cooked prawn, curled into a ball with her eyes shut tight, her eyelashes trembling nonstop.

Jing Xing had only come thinking that after such a long break, Xiao Tong would’ve rested enough and it was time to discuss her schedule for returning to work.

But no one answered the door, no matter how long she knocked. No one picked up the phone either. She didn’t have a key to Xiao Tong’s place, so in the end she had no choice but to break the lock. She hadn’t expected to see Xiao Tong unconscious like that the moment she walked in.

"Xiao Tong, wake up! Can you hear me?"

Jing Xing reached out to touch Xiao Tong’s forehead, it was burning hot. She jerked her hand back instantly and rushed to call 120.

But seeing how bad Xiao Tong was, she feared she wouldn’t make it in time for the ambulance.

In desperation, Jing Xing kicked off her heels, hoisted Xiao Tong onto her back, and ran out.

Just as she stepped into the hall, a neighbor came out to check the noise. Jing Xing had no time to explain, she just asked the neighbor to look after the apartment.

Xiao Tong might be slim, but she was tall—nearly 170 cm and completely unconscious, heavy as dead weight.

Jing Xing was still a woman, and not particularly strong. Just carrying her into the elevator left her breathless. Getting her into the car nearly collapsed her.

She didn’t dare waste a second. Barely catching her breath, she started the car and sped toward the nearest hospital.

It was acute pneumonia that caused Xiao Tong’s high fever. Thankfully, she was brought in on time and it wasn’t life-threatening. Only after hearing the doctor’s diagnosis did Jing Xing finally let out a breath, collapsing into a chair beside Xiao Tong’s hospital bed.

Jing Xing was completely worn out. After seeing the doctor off, she lay on the extra bed beside Xiao Tong for a long time before finally recovering.

Looking at Xiao Tong, still feverish, her cheeks flushed.

Jing Xing thought, Being her manager is exhausting. How long has it been? Just a few months, and this is already the second time I’ve had to bring her to the hospital.

And each time was serious. Jing Xing figured that at this rate, she’d be scared to death by Xiao Tong someday.

She knew Xiao Tong had stomach issues, but her health was otherwise okay. In all the years Jing Xing had managed her, she could count on one hand how many times she’d been hospitalized. And two of those had happened just this winter.

The last one was because of Yu Qinghan. Jing Xing sighed, this time probably was too.

If it had been someone else, someone more self-protective, they’d have kicked a jerk like Yu Qinghan to the curb long ago and moved on.

The world’s full of better people. But unfortunately, Xiao Tong was the kind who gave her heart once and never took it back.

God knows what kind of spell Yu Qinghan had put on her, Xiao Tong was just fixated on her, no matter how much people tried to talk her out of it.

With her talent and charm, there were so many people who adored her and yet she only ever made room in her heart for Yu Qinghan. Jing Xing had no idea how much more pain she’d go through.

Every time she thought about it, Jing Xing felt it was just not worth it. She had brought Xiao Tong to the hospital early in the morning, but still had a mountain of work to deal with. So she had her assistant bring her laptop to the hospital and continued working from Xiao Tong’s room, checking on her from time to time. When Xiao Tong finally woke up, it was already afternoon.

She had no idea what had happened. Opening her eyes, she felt like her head was about to explode.

Everything in the room was unfamiliar, which made her panic until she saw Jing Xing.

She blinked and asked, "A-Xing? Where am I?"

"And you still have the nerve to ask that." Jing Xing shut her laptop and said crossly, "Your fever nearly hit forty degrees. If I hadn’t found you in time, you’d be brain-dead right now. Xiao Tong, you used to be a workaholic, sure, but at least you knew how to take care of your body. What now? You don’t even care about your life anymore? What, is going in and out of the hospital a new hobby of yours?"

"I had a fever?"

Xiao Tong touched her forehead, she didn’t feel warm anymore. But her head was throbbing, so maybe she really had burned up and just couldn’t remember.

"Good thing your brain’s still intact. I’m still counting on you to make me money." Jing Xing huffed.

Xiao Tong knew she was in the wrong. She’d caused Jing Xing more trouble again. So she kept her head down and let her scold her.

Only when she was done did she quietly say, "I’m sorry."

"That’s something you should be saying to yourself."

Seeing Xiao Tong like this, Jing Xing didn’t have the heart to be harsh anymore. Her tone softened.

"Xiao Tong, it’s your body, your life. If you don’t care, no one else can care for you." Jing Xing waited for a reply, but Xiao Tong just kept her head down and stayed silent. So Jing Xing went on, "I know I don’t really have a say in what’s going on between you and Yu Qinghan, and I know you never listen to me… but I’ll say it anyway. Xiao Tong, she’s not worth it."

Xiao Tong’s lashes trembled. She slowly looked up at Jing Xing, and a crooked, bitter smile stretched across her lips.

"A-Xing… I know."

She was afraid Jing Xing didn’t hear, so she murmured it again: "I know." It wasn’t clear whether she was saying it to Jing Xing, or to herself.

Jing Xing’s heart sank. From the look on Xiao Tong’s face, it seemed like she had discovered some kind of betrayal. She asked, "Xiao Tong, did you hear some nasty rumor about Yu Qinghan? Don’t overthink it! Those gossip magazines always make stuff up, you’ve dealt with the press before, you know how they are…"

As she defended Yu Qinghan, Jing Xing wished she could slap herself.

Why am I covering for that woman?

The more Xiao Tong knows about her dirty secrets, the better so she can finally let go.

But then she saw how lifeless Xiao Tong looked, and her heart softened again. She told herself it was just to help her move on… just to help her move on…

The mess between Xiao Tong and Yu Qinghan wasn’t something an outsider could fix. Jing Xing meant well, and Xiao Tong didn’t want to make her feel awkward, so she forced a smile, thanked her, and said, "A-Xing, you’ve got a lot on your plate. You should go. I want to sleep a bit."

"You just woke up, and you want to sleep again? Don’t you want to eat something first?"

"No, A-Xing. I’m really tired."

"…Alright."

That was her way of gently asking Jing Xing to leave. There was no reason to stay any longer, so Jing Xing got up.

Before she left, she patted Xiao Tong’s shoulder and said, "If anything happens, talk to me. I’ll always be here for you."

Xiao Tong nodded distractedly whether she heard or not, it was hard to say.

She couldn’t believe that after over ten years together, Yu Qinghan had just cut things off. No explanation, no reason.

She didn’t believe it. There had to be something else going on. Yu Qinghan wasn’t the type to break promises so easily.

Xiao Tong wanted to ask her——— What’s the real reason? Whatever it is, we can face it together.

They’d survived more than ten years already, what was a little storm compared to that?

So she worked hard to recover, cooperated with the doctors, forced herself to sleep despite her insomnia. Even if she only managed an hour or two a night and always woke up from nightmares, she held herself together, determined not to fall apart.

Maybe it was that determination, but she did get better quickly. After a few days, the doctor allowed her to be discharged.

The first thing she did after leaving the hospital, was go look for Yu Qinghan.

She called her more than ten times, none of the calls went through. She panicked, thinking something might’ve happened to her.

But when she tried calling from a different number, the call connected immediately.

"Hello?" That familiar voice she hadn’t heard in days echoed in Xiao Tong’s ear.

She couldn’t hold back, "Qinghan…"

But before she could say another word, the call ended with a beep. She looked at the screen, it had been hung up.

It wasn’t that the number couldn’t go through. It was that her number had been blocked.

Still, she refused to give up. She used several different numbers to call again. This time, none of them worked.

Yu Qinghan had gotten smarter. She’d probably set up a whitelist, blocking all unfamiliar calls.

Xiao Tong couldn’t understand. Why was she suddenly cutting herself off so completely?

Even if she really was tired of her, they had so many years behind them, why be so cruel about it now? Not even a word of explanation?

Without that closure, Xiao Tong kept finding ways to make excuses for her. And she still couldn’t let go.

She couldn’t reach her by phone, so she went to the main office to look for her.

She knew that Yu Qinghan held a nominal position there, just showed up a few days a week. And thanks to her own fame, no one dared stop her at the office.

But after a whole week of staking out her office, she hadn’t seen even a shadow of her.

Yu Qinghan was hiding on purpose. She had disappeared completely.

Xiao Tong asked her assistant, but didn’t get any useful information either.

In the end, she decided to go all out, she went straight to the Yu family’s house.

She’d only been there once before, back when things between her and Yu Qinghan weren’t this bad. Just that once. Never again after that.

But thankfully, she had a good memory, she still remembered how to get there.

Yu Qinghan might avoid work, but she had to come home eventually. That was her home. She couldn’t run forever.

Xiao Tong had a stubborn streak. Once she set her mind to something, she’d dig in her heels and wait.

So every day after work, she waited outside the house.

And finally, her efforts paid off. She caught Yu Qinghan.

But Yu Qinghan… wasn’t alone.

The other woman was someone Xiao Tong didn’t recognize. That wasn’t surprising, she didn’t know most of Yu Qinghan’s friends.

They seemed close, talking and laughing together, clearly intimate. Before seeing Yu Qinghan, Xiao Tong kept making excuses for her, thinking something must’ve happened to her. But now, seeing her looking refreshed and glowing, Xiao Tong’s confidence wavered. Still, she gathered her courage, wanting to go over and ask Yu Qinghan for answers.

After being together for more than ten years, Xiao Tong didn’t want to let it all end in confusion.

She lifted her leg, ready to walk over, but just then, the woman beside Yu Qinghan turned around. Xiao Tong took one look at her and her legs froze in place like they were filled with lead. She couldn’t take another step.

The woman was stunning, pale as snow, with a soft, glowing face like a peach blossom. Just a casual turn and smile made Xiao Tong feel inferior and ashamed. But what stood out most were her eyes like two crystal-clear springs, shimmering with light. Even without focusing on anything, they looked full of emotion. At the corner of one eye, there was a small tear-shaped mole that made her whole face come alive, her eyes dazzling and almost painful to look at.

Why hadn’t she noticed before, how beautiful those eyes were? She had looked at her own eyes in the mirror for over twenty years, yet when they appeared on someone else’s face, they were breathtaking.

So that’s what this was. Now it all made sense.

Xiao Tong stood frozen, fists clenched, jaw tight. Her vision blurred, and all she could still see clearly were those beautiful eyes.

"What’s your name?"

"Xiao Tong."

"How do you write that?"

"The ‘Xiao’ as in falling leaves, the ‘Tong’ as in the Chinese parasol tree in the autumn rain."

Xiao Tong suddenly remembered the first time she met Yu Qinghan. Back then, she was a mess. The alley outside the school wall was usually deserted, but Yu Qinghan had appeared out of nowhere, like she’d fallen from the sky. That was their first conversation. Yu Qinghan asked her name, and after hearing the answer, she smiled happily.

Xiao Tong had replayed that memory countless times alone. She always wondered, how could it have been so coincidental? It was so dark that night, and that alley was almost always empty. How was it that on that exact day, she met Yu Qinghan?

She always believed it was a gift from the heavens as if fate, pitying her misery, had thrown her a rare chance, adding a little brightness and warmth to her life. Xiao Tong had always seen meeting Yu Qinghan as the greatest stroke of luck in her life, something to be grateful for.

Even in the years that followed, even as things got worse and Yu Qinghan treated her increasingly cruelly, Xiao Tong never stopped believing in the destiny that brought them together.

Until today. Until she saw that woman. Until she saw those eyes.

Xiao Tong stood there like she was under a spell, unable to move. Her nails dug deep into her palms, tearing her skin, but she didn’t feel a thing. That pain was nothing compared to the knife in her chest. She started laughing silently to herself.

She laughed at her own delusion. She had actually believed that blessings could fall from the sky and just happen to land right on her.

How could something like that ever happen? How could a toad living in the mud just happen to cross paths with a beautiful, noble swan? And that swan just happened to be kind enough to offer herself up?

It was all part of the plan.

Xiao Tong raised her hand and touched her right eye. The corner of her mouth twitched, pulling into a bitter, mocking smile.

Yu Qinghan. Yu Qinghan. Xiao Tong let out a sigh. She couldn’t say a single word. She just repeated her name quietly in her heart.

She sighed at how skilled Yu Qinghan was, twelve years of deception. She’d actually believed that Yu Qinghan liked her. Even right up to the moment she saw those eyes, she had believed it. Completely.

There’s no such thing as love without a reason. No wonder that in the later years, even as Yu Qinghan became increasingly disgusted with her, she never once brought up breaking up. Xiao Tong had once thought it was because of love. Now, she just wanted to spit in her own face.

Love? What love? All of Yu Qinghan’s love had belonged to someone else. Even the good things she did for Xiao Tong, those too were for someone else.

Those hugs, those kisses, the sweet words and promises. Yu Qinghan said them so sincerely, not even blinking. Xiao Tong had thought, who could lie so earnestly? Surely those words were genuine.

And they were. Genuinely meant for someone else.

Yu Qinghan looked into Xiao Tong’s eyes and said all those sweet things from the bottom of her heart. But none of it was ever meant for her. For twelve years, Yu Qinghan had looked through Xiao Tong’s eyes and seen another person entirely.

The hugs, the kisses, the love, they all belonged to another woman.

The only things that belonged to Xiao Tong were endless disdain, insults, and harsh words.

"These are mine," Xiao Tong thought blankly. No wonder Yu Qinghan had always seemed so conflicted, disgusted with her one moment, tender and affectionate the next, like she had a split personality.

It was never about split personalities. Yu Qinghan had simply mistaken her for two different people. The dirty, disgusting one was Xiao Tong. The perfect, pure one, that was her true love.

Xiao Tong watched them walk away, clinging to each other, and stood still. Not even a tear fell.

She thought she’d cry but she didn’t. For once, she was stronger than she imagined.

Suddenly, she raised her hand and slapped herself hard across the face.

Her head snapped to the side. A clear red handprint appeared on her cheek.

"So pathetic," Xiao Tong muttered through trembling lips. "So pathetic."

No wonder Yu Qinghan was disgusted. Even she was disgusted with herself.

Xiao Tong didn’t know how she made it back home. Her mind was blank. She couldn’t think. Her legs just moved on their own, guided by muscle memory. Turning corners, crossing streets, her body led the way, her brain trailing behind, dull and sluggish. Her eyes were vacant. Her body wobbled like a drunk, or a madwoman. Passersby glanced at her uneasily, stepping aside quickly, afraid to be dragged into her madness.

At last, she got home. Unlocked the door. Stepped inside. She even remembered to change her shoes, placing them neatly into the cabinet. She hung up her keys. Then she sat down on the sofa.

And then she didn’t move again for hours, like a robot whose battery had died.

Her body was still, but her mind spun furiously. She went over every moment with Yu Qinghan, dissecting it in painful detail. Every glance, every word. Even the rhythm of her blinking while whispering sweet words played back in slow motion, crystal clear.

Xiao Tong felt like an outsider, watching how foolish she’d been. She wanted to reach out and warn herself but in the end, she couldn’t bear to. Those memories, though fake, were sweet. Like dreams. And she couldn’t bring herself to shatter them.

She sat there from daylight until night. Once it turned dark, the living room and balcony felt especially empty and cold. Like a giant open mouth, ready to swallow her whole. She felt afraid. Her eyes darted around. Her fingers twitched. Then her wrists, her elbows. Like her blood had started flowing again, she came back to life.

Darkness crept in from every direction. In the past, Yu Qinghan had shielded her from it. But from today on, she was alone. No one would block out the darkness for her anymore.

She wanted to retreat to her bright, clean, windowless little room. The one where no darkness could enter. But she forced herself to stay seated.

Some things you have to face alone. She couldn’t run forever.

Ten minutes. Twenty. An hour…

In the end, she couldn’t take it anymore and fled into that little room.

Fine.

Take it slow.

She thought, she still had a long life ahead. Alone.

Xiao Tong kept going to work like usual. Nothing seemed different. But there was a small change. Before, she used to rush home, afraid she’d be late to cook for Yu Qinghan. Now, she didn’t have to worry. Even if she worked overtime until dawn, it didn’t matter.

The boss went into beast mode, so the whole team didn’t dare slack off. The studio’s productivity nearly doubled. By the end of the year, their performance had soared. The board at headquarters was thrilled, grinning ear to ear, praising Xiao Tong’s leadership. They gave her and the team a hefty bonus and even promised her a long vacation when things slowed down next year.

Her exhausted young staff smiled for the first time when they saw the bonus in their accounts. At least the hard work paid off, follow the boss, and there’s good food on the table.

But when the assistant passed by Xiao Tong and saw her pale face, she grew concerned. "Sister Tong, you don’t look so well. How about taking a few days off? Don’t work yourself sick. We’re all counting on you to lead us to the good life."

"I’m fine," Xiao Tong waved it off with a smile. "I’m not that capable. If you want the good life, you better go suck up to Sister Jing Xing. Go bring her tea."

She could still joke, must mean she was fine after all. The assistant thought for a moment, then walked away.

The moment she left, the smile dropped from Xiao Tong’s face.

The first person to notice something was seriously wrong was Jing Xing. After pressing her again and again, Xiao Tong finally confessed.

"I broke up with Yu Qinghan," she said. "Or rather, she dumped me." She gave a light, dismissive laugh.

Jing Xing looked at her for a moment, then said, "Good. You should thank the gods."

"Exactly," Xiao Tong echoed, still smiling.

But Jing Xing said, "Don’t smile."

Pretending to be carefree didn’t suit Xiao Tong. Her smile looked worse than crying.

Xiao Tong heard that and awkwardly let the smile drop.

"Did you… have an episode after?" Jing Xing asked.

"No." Xiao Tong shrugged. "I thought I would, but weirdly enough, I didn’t."

It was strange. Without Yu Qinghan, she was still living fine. No breakdowns. No illness. Not even a stomach flare-up in a while.

But she was still afraid of the dark. Still hated empty rooms. And now she had a new problem, she couldn’t even enter the bedroom she used to share with Yu Qinghan. Every time she tried, she’d picture her with other women in there, doing disgusting things, and feel physically sick.

But it wasn’t a big deal. If she didn’t go in, she didn’t go in. It didn’t affect her life.

Yu Qinghan once said something that turned out to be true, no one is truly indispensable. No one can’t be lived without.

"It’s the end of the year," Jing Xing said. "Time flies."

"Yeah," Xiao Tong thought. Who would’ve guessed this would be the last year for her and Yu Qinghan?

Jing Xing asked, "The holiday’s coming. Got any plans? Why not come spend New Year’s with me? I’m alone anyway."

Jing Xing’s younger brother lived in the U.S., and their parents had followed him there. So Jing Xing was always alone during New Year’s. Usually, she spent it partying with friends. But if Xiao Tong came, she’d cancel everything to spend the holiday together. That didn’t sound so bad.

"No," Xiao Tong shook her head. "I want to visit my grandmother. I haven’t seen her in a while."

Jing Xing nodded. "You should. Say hi to her for me."

She could turn down Jing Xing’s invitation but she couldn’t skip the company’s annual party, especially as the star designer expected to give a speech.

The party was held at the company’s own hotel, in the huge banquet hall on the top floor, complete with an outdoor terrace. Besides company staff, there were also media and celebrities. After the execs gave their speeches, Xiao Tong went up and read her prepared remarks. Then it was free time. Everyone was dressed to impress, mingling, praising each other (sincerely or not). It was the New Year, no one cared if the compliments were real.

Xiao Tong wasn’t good at this stuff. She slipped away to a corner of the terrace to smoke alone. Without Yu Qinghan, she no longer cared about appearances. During the busiest work periods, she’d gone through several packs a day. As she smoked, she realized there were perks to being alone. She actually started to smile to herself.

Then a voice came from the other end of the terrace: "Xiyuan, it’s windy out here. Wrap yourself up with a shawl or you’ll catch a cold."

Xiao Tong’s whole body jolted. The cigarette between her fingers dropped to the floor, rolled twice, and went out.

The corner where Xiao Tong was sitting had gone completely dark, nothing but shadows remained.

Yu Qinghan. She was seeing Yu Qinghan again. And in a place like this, of all places. Xiao Tong let out a cold laugh. She and Yu Qinghan really were cursed to cross paths.

"Xiao Han, look how worried you are. I just felt a little stuffy inside, so I came out to get some fresh air. Am I really that delicate?"

"You really are that delicate."

Yu Qinghan draped a shawl over Mo Xiyuan’s bare shoulders, rested her chin gently on her shoulder, and took a sip of champagne from the glass in Xiyuan’s hand.

"Xiyuan, you have no idea how happy I am that you're back. I've waited for you for ten years, ten whole years."

So the beautiful woman’s name was Xiyuan. Such a lovely name.

Xiao Tong thought: she had been with Yu Qinghan for twelve years, but it turned out ten of those years had been spent waiting for this Xiyuan.

And the remaining two years?

Were those meant for Xiao Tong? Probably not.

"I'm back now, aren’t I? You're such a grown woman, why are you still such a baby?" Mo Xiyuan smiled and gently stroked Yu Qinghan’s head. Her voice was soft. "Don’t worry, I’m not leaving again."

"You said it. No backing out."

"Alright. I won’t change my mind."

And just like that, Yu Qinghan smiled. It was a genuine smile, from deep inside her heart. Even after twelve years together, Xiao Tong had never seen Yu Qinghan smile like that.

Xiao Tong clenched her teeth, thinking bitterly: Why? Why, when Yu Qinghan felt lonely and empty, was she the one thrown in as a substitute, giving away twelve years of her life, almost her whole life?

Why was it that Yu Qinghan could just say "we’re done" and walk away, never looking back, not caring whether she lived or died?

Why?

From the dark corner, Xiao Tong stared at the woman with the tear-shaped mole at the corner of her eye, filled with jealousy and hatred.

She thought, I must look so ugly right now.

How could a woman eaten up by jealousy not look ugly? Because of Yu Qinghan, the year-end party turned awkward and unbearable.

Xiao Tong slipped out once during the event, but when she came back, it still hadn’t ended. She held out until the crowd finally started to leave, then seized the chance to stop Yu Qinghan and pulled her into a quiet corner.

"It's you?" Yu Qinghan’s face darkened when she saw Xiao Tong clearly. "What do you want now?"

"Qinghan, you still have a few things at my place. When are you coming to get them?"

"I don’t want them. Just throw them out."

"Alright." Xiao Tong nodded and sighed. She picked up two glasses of champagne from a table and handed one to Yu Qinghan. "We were together for ten years. Let’s at least part on good terms. Let's finish this drink, and call it the end."

Without hesitation, Yu Qinghan took the glass and downed it in one gulp.

"Miss Yu, you’re refreshingly straightforward."

Xiao Tong smiled.

"Can I go now?" Yu Qinghan asked coldly.

"Can you walk with me for a bit?" Xiao Tong said softly. "I'm afraid of the dark."

I'm afraid of the dark.

Those three words made Yu Qinghan’s heart clench. She didn’t know why but looking at Xiao Tong like this, she suddenly couldn’t bring herself to say no.

"Alright."

"Thank you."

Xiao Tong thought: when they were still together, Yu Qinghan had rejected her so many times. Now that they were apart, she couldn’t refuse probably because of pride.

Human nature really is strange.

Yu Qinghan walked with Xiao Tong all the way to the building downstairs from her place. Standing there, Xiao Tong asked, "Do you want to come up for a bit?"

"No."

"Of course not." Xiao Tong let out a mocking laugh. "There’s another woman waiting for you."

"Xiao Tong, you—" Yu Qinghan wanted to ask what exactly Xiao Tong was planning, but before the words left her mouth, her vision went blurry, and she collapsed into Xiao Tong’s arms.

Xiao Tong calmly caught her and brought her back to her apartment.