Obsessed with Cleanliness Chapter 29: Yu Qinghan

After lunch, the afternoon rush began again. Both Xiao Tong and Jing Xing were busy with their own things. In just over two weeks, the joint spring/summer haute couture launch between the subsidiary and Xiao Tong’s studio was happening—venue, makeup, models, corporate coordination, press, team visas… Jing Xing had so many details to handle that even though she felt something was off with Xiao Tong, she couldn’t find the time to dwell on it.

Xiao Tong was also swamped—selecting models, meeting with reporters, and making final tweaks and finishing touches to the new pieces for the launch. Some of the finer decorative elements couldn’t even be done with a sewing machine. She didn’t trust anyone else to handle it, so apart from being dragged by Jing Xing for interviews, she refused to see anyone and spent her days in the fitting room adjusting every detail of each gown by hand.

When she worked, she was completely focused. Her eyes were only for fabric and thread. Sometimes just to sew a single bead onto a mannequin’s waist, she’d kneel for hours, holding the position without moving an inch.

Jing Xing had seen it a few times when she managed to sneak a break, and she’d try to persuade her: "This stuff isn’t even that important. Let those new kids handle it. It’s a good chance to train them. Why wear yourself out like this?"

"I’m fine. This needs precision I wouldn’t feel right giving it to someone else." Xiao Tong leaned in by the hem of a fishtail dress, gently bit off a thread with her teeth, then stood up and stretched her back and neck.

She still looked energetic. She stroked the finished gown lovingly, her eyes filled with affection and a bit of reluctance, like she was looking at her own child.

"Shouldn’t launching a new collection make you happy? Why do you look like someone’s about to steal it from you?"

Her fingers moved through the fabric, feeling how the black silk flowed like water through them, how the smooth material slipped away from her hands. She said, "You don’t understand."

Jing Xing wasn’t a designer, so of course she didn’t. To her, this series would definitely take Xiao Tong’s reputation to the next level, establish her as a top international designer, a leader in the domestic fashion scene, someone all the celebrities and elites would be chasing after.

She could already see the bright future ahead for Xiao Tong. So no, she didn’t understand what it meant for Xiao Tong to send her creations out into the world. It felt like giving away something she’d treasured for years. Once a piece was mass-produced, or even just revealed to the public, it no longer belonged to her. It belonged to every buyer, every person who wore it but no longer to Xiao Tong.

There was a time when Xiao Tong only ever designed for one person. She only ever wanted one person to see her work, to wear it. But in the end, countless people wore her pieces, everyone except the one person she had hoped for.

The wound on her left arm started to ache again. She looked at the neatly arranged mannequins and the garments draped over them. After nearly ten years in fashion design, she suddenly wondered if any of it had ever meant anything at all.

"Xiao Tong? Xiao Tong!" Jing Xing tapped her on the shoulder. "What are you thinking about?"

"Huh?" Xiao Tong blinked and came back to herself. She adjusted her mood and said lightly, "Nothing. A-Xing, when are we going to Paris?"

"In about a week at most. Xiao Tong, are you sure you’re okay?"

"What could be wrong with me?" Xiao Tong shrugged. "A-Xing, don’t worry. What happened last time won’t happen again." She was referring to how, on the eve of last year’s launch, she had snuck away from Paris behind Jing Xing’s back. Even now, Xiao Tong still felt guilty whenever she thought about it like she’d let her down.

"Oh, so you do remember?" Jing Xing snorted and raised her fist like a threat. "If you pull that stunt again, you’re dead."

But honestly, that wasn’t what worried Jing Xing the most. What she was really afraid of was the damage Yu Qinghan had done to Xiao Tong but Xiao Tong had made it clear she didn’t want to talk about it.

Jing Xing could tell Xiao Tong was determined to move on from Yu Qinghan this time. And she knew it wasn’t going to be easy. That’s why she was worried but she didn’t dare say the name in front of her again.

"Alright then, I’ve got to run. I’m meeting with the show director to talk about the stage layout."

"Don’t stay too late. Women who don’t sleep enough get wrinkles."

"Pfft! Worry about yourself first, will you? Your assistant’s already complained to me a few times about you working until 2 or 3 a.m. every night. If anyone’s going to wrinkle up first, it’s you."

"……"

They chatted a bit more, then Jing Xing went back to her tasks. Xiao Tong leaned on the sewing machine in a daze for a moment, then rethreaded her needle and went back to altering the gown.

She couldn’t stop.

Because the moment she stopped, all the nightmares would come flooding back and she’d lose her mind.

But she couldn’t keep going forever either. Whenever she worked overtime, the rest of the team felt like they couldn’t leave either. Xiao Tong didn’t mind it herself, but there were colleagues with families, or ones in new relationships, who really needed their off-hours. She hadn’t noticed before, but Jing Xing’s reminder made her feel bad about cutting into other people’s personal time.

So today, for once, she finished work on time. And the moment she stepped out, the entire studio lit up like they were on party drugs, people were practically ready to throw a celebration.

Xiao Tong didn’t have a driver’s license, nor did she own a car, but the company provided her with one. Her driver was a woman in her thirties, personally hired by Jing Xing. Jing Xing knew Xiao Tong had an inexplicable fear of men, so he deliberately chose a calm and dependable female driver. She drove steadily, didn’t talk much, and suited Xiao Tong perfectly.

Maybe Xiao Tong had been working overtime too much lately, but today she got off work on time even the driver was surprised and casually asked, "Ms. Xiao, you're off so early today?"

For the past few years, Xiao Tong had been mentoring a few apprentices each year. She didn’t teach much, just some basics and hands-on practice to help them avoid detours. They all called her "teacher." Eventually, even the coworkers in her studio who weren’t close to her started calling her that. As her fame grew, the nickname spread. People in the industry all called her "teacher," either out of respect or teasing. Then fans and even strangers outside the industry started calling her that too. Xiao Tong didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, she’d never been a teacher a day in her life, yet somehow ended up with this honorary title.

This driver hadn’t been with her long and didn’t speak much. It was the first time she’d started a conversation with Xiao Tong. Xiao Tong was surprised and instinctively replied, "Ah." After getting in the car, she added, "Just call me Xiao Tong. That ‘teacher’ thing is just something they made up for fun."

"Got it," the driver replied.

"You can’t keep working overtime like this," Xiao Tong said with a smile. "I don’t mind it, but having you guys stay late into the night isn’t safe. I bet you go home and complain about me to your husbands or boyfriends."

"I’m single." The driver kept her eyes straight ahead, stepped on the gas, turned the wheel, and merged onto the road. Xiao Tong looked at her in the rearview mirror— calm, composed, graceful. She didn’t look like a driver at all.

"Driver, I just realized I never asked, what’s your name?"

"My surname is Shan. You can just call me Old Shan."

"Alright."

Old Shan was quiet and reserved, not like other drivers who chattered away like they were old friends. That was exactly what Xiao Tong appreciated most. After those few words when she first got in the car, Old Shan never initiated a conversation again. It was like the car was driving itself as if no driver was even there.

Xiao Tong wore her headphones and listened to loud, chaotic rock music. She swayed along with the beat, trying to lose herself in it, letting the noisy lyrics and melody fill her brain so there would be no room for anything else to sneak in.

It was rush hour, and traffic was worse than usual. The drive took longer than normal. When the car finally stopped downstairs at Xiao Tong’s building, she took off her headphones, thanked Old Shan, got out, and only waited for the car to leave before tilting her head up to look at the tall building. Her eyes were filled with fear.

She stood there, head tilted back, for over ten minutes, mentally preparing herself. Then she went inside, took the elevator, stood in front of the familiar apartment number, pulled out her key, and slid it into the lock.

Click, click.

The deadbolt turned.

Click.

The door opened a crack, like a dark, gaping mouth, ready to swallow Xiao Tong whole.

Inside that black mouth, countless blood-red eyes blinked at her. Xiao Tong took a step back, gritted her teeth, and walked in. The moment she stepped inside, those blood-red eyes shot toward her like lightning. Luckily, Xiao Tong was fast. She quickly hit the switch and turned on the living room lights.

The creatures hated light. As soon as it lit up, they shrank back into the corners where shadows still lingered, baring their fangs and claws at her, but not daring to come any closer.

Ever since the last time they broke into Xiao Tong’s secret room, they had never left. During the day, she filled her mind with work to keep them at bay. But at night, when she relaxed, they would all reappear, surrounding her, lurking, waiting for a chance to strike.

Their fear of light was only temporary. The more afraid Xiao Tong was, the stronger they became. Before long, they would crawl out from the darkness, grab her hair, yank her ears, scrape her face with sharp nails, and bite at the delicate veins in her neck with their razor-sharp teeth.

"Yu Qinghan… Yu Qinghan…" they shrieked by her ears, every one of them calling out Yu Qinghan’s name. The voices echoed, distant and ghostly, yet right next to her ears. Some murmured tenderly, others screamed hysterically. Every sound pierced her eardrums and stabbed into her heart.

"Yu Qinghan… Yu Qinghan…"

"Stop it… please stop…" Xiao Tong begged, covering her ears. She hurt so badly, every bone in her body ached, even the spaces between the bones throbbed with pain.

She never knew that just hearing the name Yu Qinghan could cause this much agony. It hurt so much she wanted to roll on the floor, a pain that came from the inside out, stabbing through her skin from within, every strand of it desperate to escape her body, but she had no way to release it.

It hurt.

It hurt so much.

Clutching her head, Xiao Tong wondered if anyone could save her, anyone at all.

Suddenly, her body froze. Even the demons tormenting her stopped moving.

She stood still for a few seconds, then moved mechanically.

Then, she pulled out that same fruit knife again.

The blade gleamed with a cold silver shine. Reflected in the back of the blade was her numb face — and a small mole near the corner of her eye.

Xiao Tong hated those eyes. She didn’t even want to look at them. She raised the knife and slowly sliced into her already scarred left arm.

The sharp blade tore her skin. Blood oozed from the wound. Compared to the crashing waves of pain she couldn’t express, this sharp, focused pain was almost nothing.

But that wound gave all the bottled-up pain a place to escape, it poured out eagerly through that cut, and even the darkness that clung to her dared not come close.

"Yu Qinghan…" Xiao Tong whispered, and made another cut on her arm.

Every time she said Yu Qinghan’s name, she made another cut. Blood ran down her arm, dripping onto the floor, forming little red dots like flower petals.

Each slice, each call of Yu Qinghan’s name, made her body convulse with pain.

Eventually, the demons vanished. She let go of the knife. Her body was still trembling, but her heart felt light.

She treated the wounds on her arm, cleaned up the knife and the floor, lay down in bed, and slept peacefully.

Nothing scary came to disturb her again.